I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Enjoy the penises
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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