Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
