she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize