On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
