Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
