Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
