I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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