Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
