Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize