no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
