Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
