I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
