I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
