Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
