A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
