shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
