oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
