someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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