There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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