every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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