Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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