Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
