i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
