I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
