Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
