This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
