i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
