Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
