I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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