Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
