Grow some girl-balls and come out already
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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