hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
