where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
