May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
