I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
