The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
