i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
