Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
