How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize