When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
