I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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