I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
