ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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