wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
