i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
