dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
