but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
