Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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