definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
