I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
