3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
