She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
