Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
