So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
