Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
