Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
