I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize