you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
