i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
