I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
