Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
