i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
