I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
