fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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