Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize