If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
