How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it glows. i had to have it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
