i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
