and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
