shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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